Thursday, July 31, 2014

This Is Where I Leave You - Jonathan Tropper, and To Rise Again At A Decent Hour - Joshua Ferris

I never want to close down a line of books, to say Oh, I don't read books by X or about Y, but I am just so done with books by dudes in their 30s and 40s, about dudes in their 30s or 40s. ESPECIALLY if those dudes are having trouble in love. It just comes across as so...I cannot think of the word. But like these books were written to assuage some hurt or prove some point, I AM TOTALLY SPECULATING AND THAT IS THE WORST but when This Is Where I Leave You's Judd finds his wife screwing his alpha-male, sculpted-shoulder-having, square-toothed boss and GOES ON to ogle the bank teller's ass as he withdraws money from he and his wife's joint checking, and then is like, she (the bank teller) is probably dating an asshole, WHY DO ALL THE HOT GIRLS DATE ASSHOLES WHEN THE NICE GUYS ARE STANDING RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM and I'm am like, FIRSTLY, your wife is a you-proclaimed Hot Girl who dated you to your extreme incredulity and then married you, so there's that to counter your point, and secondly, GO FIND YOURSELF A NICE GIRL SHE'S PROBABLY RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU BUT DOESN'T HAVE THE BANK TELLER'S FINE ASS OR PLUMP LIPS.

All of us.

When that happens, I can't help feeling like Tropper has an axe to grind. Also, the Hot Girls Only Date Douchebags line of reasoning sets me on fire. WOE IS ME, THE PARTICULAR OBJECT OF MY AFFECTIONS DOES NOT RETURN THAT AFFECTION AND IT IS NOT BECAUSE I LACK HUMOR OR KINDNESS OR AMBITION OR INTEGRITY OR ANY OTHER QUALITIES A WOMAN MIGHT FIND ATTRACTIVE IN A MAN IT IS BECAUSE I LACK DELTOIDS. Give Hot Women a fucking bit of credit.

So that's when I put This Is Where I Leave You down, when Judd began making idle speculations about the bank teller's preference in romantic partner and also whether or not she went to college (he guesses probably not because LOL HOT SMART GIRLS) and who her friends are (hairdressers and tanning salon clerks, probably) and I'm done.


I've returned To Rise Again At A Decent Hour to the library already, so I don't have an exact quote for the moment I realized I was done with this asocial dentist who just doesn't get why people moisturize their hands I mean what's the appeal (the appeal is not having dry, cracked hands, which isn't a huge empathetic mountain to summit even if you don't, yourself, share that desire), but I noticed I wasn't enjoying the book, noticed I was on page 50, and shut that bitch without a qualm.


LOOK HOW MANY HOURS OF MY LIFE I HAVE SAVED. So, so many.

12 comments:

Chris bookarama said...

This guy sounds like an asshole and maybe his wife was sleeping with someone else because HE is a dick. I hate books where the dude makes these assumptions about female strangers. Like, look at yourself, dude. You are the problem. Self-awareness is a trait they do not have.

I will not be reading this one.

Amanda said...

I actually finished This Is Where I Leave You, much to my shame, and I am here to tell you that it does not get any better.

As the Crowe Flies and Reads said...

HAHAHAHAH. I will always love your book reviews. I actually thought the Tropper book was pretty funny but the only real impression that I took away from it was that I learned what sitting shiva meant from reading it.

I have nothing to say in defense of the Johua Foer or whatever the heck the author's name is of that awkwardly-titled book.

L. E. Carmichael said...

Yeah. As a woman, I have a hard time reading a book who's male protagonist's self-perceived biggest problem is that none of the hot girls like him.

To be fair, that is also why I stopped reading Vampire Diaries, so female protags are guilty of this too. Just not nearly as often.

Reading Rambo said...

I love you. And this review. MAYBE IN THAT ORDER MAYBE NOT.

Megs said...

"Also, the Hot Girls Only Date Douchebags line of reasoning sets me on fire." YES ME TOO.

Oh dear. I had the Tropper on my read-at-some-vague-point-in-the-future list and now I think I'll politely ignore it. But the movie adaptation coming out looks kind of good? With the Bateman? Maybe I'll just see the movie then.

Jess - A Book Hoarder said...

Bummer for assholes in books. Yay for saving hours of your life. I used to hate not finishing a book but then I thought about all the amazing books I could be reading in that time. But I love this review so at least something good came out of you wasting some time.

Jenny @ Reading the End said...

Ahahahahahaha, this post is everything. And yes, dude, I am super done, the done-est, with books about dudes such as you describe, especially if trouble with love, double especially if trying to finish a novel. GAG.

agoodstoppingpoint said...

For some reason "which isn't a huge empathetic mountain to summit" is my favorite line of this review, despite it all being really funny. Maybe because I get really dry hands half the year and have a giant Lubriderm bottle at my desk.

Sarah said...

INTERESTING. I still want to read this, because I heard it described as "dude lit" and that kind of cracks me up... but I really do loathe the "she friend-zoned me" attitude... don't know if I'll be able to overlook that...

Rachel Reads said...

I enjoyed This Is How I Leave You, but I 100% see your point. What really bothers me is that these books are treated as though they have more literary merit than a similar title by a woman.

MMM said...

"I am a Nice Guy (not a Hot looking Guy), therefore I *deserve* a Hot (looking) Girl, not just a Nice Girl (whose looks are more average, like mine.) But alas, the Hot Girls are with Hot Mean Guys because they are superficial b****es and can't appreciate my Niceness (even though I have an entitlement attitude and label women female dogs.) After all, how dare they judge someone by their looks! Wahhhhh! Wahhhhh!"

How did you even get to page 50 with this guy as the main character? We've all met him so many times in real life. I tend to run away quickly.