BEFORE WE BEGIN. Re last week's conversation about wizard-mother-love protecting their offspring, a lot of you were like, Voldemort probably didn't go around killing a lot of babies, and I am like, THIS IS THE EVILEST WIZARD OF EVER, so you know he was out Slaughtering some Innocents in his spare time. So I move that 'Voldemort probably didn't kill a lot of other babies' is specious reasoning because yes, he probably did. HOWEVER, Alice made the good point that Lily had the chance to escape and gave that up and THAT'S what saved Harry, so phew, load off my mind. Because Loving Your Baby Enough is nebulous and hard, but Putting Yourself In Harm's Way For Their Sake is specific and surprisingly easy.
Or saved from gory death. Or whatever.
Moving on. Ok, so the scene where Harry tells Dudley he's forgotten the magic word, and the whole family loses their shit, that scene is hilarious. Other than that, the first chapter of this book is so much UGH BACKSTORY. Which, ok, it's not like there are eleventy thousand characters or like Harry's history is super complicated, so to reiterate all the business about Voldemort &c feels unnecessary.
OH AND THEN DOBBY. How are we seriously in disagreement about Dobby?
Srsly, u guise.
Dobby = Jar Jar Binks, Jar Jar = the worst, therefore Dobby = the worst. Q.E.D. Let's talk about how Ginny almost forgets her diary DUN DUN DUNNNNN except it's a different diary later, never mind, only GINNY AND DIARIES DUN DUN DUNNNNN.
I don't know, what else. Lockhart? There's something satisfying about a character so unrelentingly smarmy. That's part of what appeals to adults about children's books, is that you get the odd character who is a Stock Character and you are like, Ah ha ha, yes, this guy.
But, like, in the best possible way.
Love to hate him. And then Colin! Love to love him! Man, so much of my notes on this section are just, Ugh, backstory. Ugh, Dobby. HA, Lockhart. Awwwww, Colin. I have not been in a thinky place. Oh! Except, I got really bothered when there were no girls on the Slytherin team, like, of course there wouldn't be, those misogynistic bastards. Only, I feel like that's lazy characterization. Like, oh yes, and he kicks puppies. But maybe it's super advanced to have 'no girls' = shitty business in what is basically a middle-grade book?
SPEAKING OF THIS BOOK'S AGE RANGE, the disembodied voice being all, 'Come...come to me...let me rip you...let me tear you...let me kill you...' I mean...
That's too scary, right? Or when Dobby has to IRON his HANDS? Bashing your forehead is one thing, but ironing your fingers is a lerrrrrrrtle bit dark. More Game of Thronesey than I remembered. OH MAN, YOU GUYS. I have been laughing at this comic for AGES and laughing alone. Please, someone, laugh with me.
AH hahahaha oh man. Oh crap, Dobby again. 'Dobby is used to death threats, sir. Dobby gets them five times a day at home.' Oh Dobby, you sad sack. I WILL PLAY MY SAD TROMBONE FOR YOU. (No I will not.)
I forget how far we were supposed to read. Is it past where Colin shows up petrified? And Dumbledore is like, Minerva found him on the stairs, and then LESS THAN A PAGE LATER Minerva is like, If Albus hadn't been on the way downstairs for hot chocolate, and I am like, GET YOUR STORIES STRAIGHT, YOU TWO. Also, lay off the sauce, whoever is editing this.
For the rest of us, MORE SAUCE.