The Fabulous Girl's Guide to Decorum - Kim Izzo and Ceri Marsh

*sigh*  I was having such a good 2010.  This is a stupid book, you guys.  Is it stupid because it's Canadian?  Maybe.  I'm going to go with that.  At least we're good at hockey and...er...skeleton (note: before two weeks ago I did not know that this was a sport.  The Winter Olympics is educational).

Ok so, this is sort of a Miss Manners but for being Fabulous rather than Decorous or Polite.  Except it's not so much a guide to being a Fabulous Girl (or 'FG,' as they incessantly call it) as it is a guide of how to act if you already are a Fabulous Girl.  Every third sentence is something like 'A FG is whimsical and charming and always knows what to say in this situation' or 'Since everyone wants to be around a FG all the time always, this is how she chooses her friends from all the people who want to be around her.  All the time.  Always.'  Or they will say things that are blatantly false for 99% of women (us supposedly UnFGs?) like 'With any man, you will know from the first day if he's going to be right for you.'  Friends, I dated Joel for YEARS and have been married to him for A FEW YEARS MORE and I still squint at him sometimes like, You, eh?

But back to the book.  It's divided into sections like Business and Social and whatall, and I thought at first that it was just because I am PERPETUALLY UNEMPLOYED and that it opened with Business 'advice' that it was not rocking my socks, but then it started telling me things like, Anyone who tells you not to sleep with the Big Boss obviously just has never done it, and doesn't know how awesome sex on that giant desk can be.  Or including, in its tips for self-promoting, getting your name in the media.  Not, you know, how to get your name in the media.  Just that you should.  Which helpful tip I will now file behind 'Earn a bunch of money' and 'Stop being so damned lazy.' 

And the 'advice,' when it's not wearing it's Obvious Hat, hardly seems like 'advice' so much as 'here's a thing that might happen.'  Like the bit on Recovering From Bad Dates but Still Wanting to See Him Again (the actual title [sidebar: if the 'dates' {plural} were bad, I'm not sure I WOULD still want to see him again?]), which goes a little something like: You might puke up your sushi and that would be embarassing but he should call the next day to make sure you're ok, and if he does not he is a jerk.  The end!  And I'm not totally sure what I'm supposed to take away from that bit.  Steer clear of seafood on dates?  Have everything cooked well?  Hand him this section of the book while you're puking up your dynamite rolls so he knows he's supposed to call?

And then it's from 2001 (which is 1997 in Canadian years) so some of it seems a little dated (ugh, cell phones!  Amirite, guys?) and this review has caused me to totally abuse my paranthetical privileges so I think I'm going to go wash my eyeballs in some Ann-Marie MacDonald.

Three caterpillars.